Today has not been my favorite day. I know, such a contrast to yesterday's post huh.
I wish I could take that posting down but I don't believe in erasing things. I don't tear pages out of my journal and I don't try to erase past feelings to put the present one more forefront.
Because yes the feelings today are much different from yesterday.
SD has decided that he will not sign the papers and instead has 'demands'. Some of which are easy no brainer things. Others are much more complicated. At this point I don't know what will happen. Elinor feels the end result will be the same...Amelia will be with us. But between now and then is filled with question marks.
We feel so helpless.
I told Elinor on the phone, I want to start running but I don't know which way to go. Where to direct my energy to 'make this right'.
The pain of missing someone I've never met is particularly strong today. It's always there, and I've learned to deal with it but today it hurts. It's like a bubble of fear of loosing her all wrapped up in the frustration I feel towards him.
Luckily there is a much much bigger love surrounding us all. I need to rely on our Heavenly Father and continue to pray for the peace that only He can bring.
We love you, Meri, Elinor, TheKing, and all your siblings. Big hugs from Iowa.
It will all be ok. No worries. <3
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