Legalities

We had many reasons for wanting to make a blog dedicated to adoption. One of those reasons was that we wanted our friends and family to be able to go on this journey with us. They have had questions regarding this process and up until recently, I have been unable to answer many of them because I myself didn't know the answers! When I was reading one of the lessons I felt comforted because it was able to fill in those gaps in my understanding. It also helped to create a timeline in my mind. And a timeline is something that almost everyone has asked about. So we will be posting some Q/A on here from time to time about what we are learning but please feel free to comment on here or message us personally and we'll respond. Chances are we had the same question!

We'll be focusing on the legal side of things on this post.... it's a bit dry sometimes but we are grateful most of all that there are policies in place to protect, above all, the welfare of the child. Everyone involved wants the best for that new little person and I think that's something I will try to keep in the forefront of my mind during this time.

- Once birthparents decide that they want you to parent their child, what happens next?-

Once we are selected, there will be several meetings between us and the birthmom/birthparents. Some of them will be formal meetings where our case worker, Christy, or their caseworker is present. We hope to also have informal contact with them- phone calls, and if they live close, face-to-face time to get to know one another. Depending on their openness after placement, this might be the only time we get to know what they're like!
Once the baby is born, placement occurs. That is basically when we will be able to begin to care for our baby! There are two ways this could take place- one, at the hospital, or two our case worker may bring him/her to us. After this takes place there will be court papers for '"termination of parental rights/consent to adoption"(which sounds kind of harsh but it's when the birthparents sign papers saying they agree to everything and that they chose us). The hard part is that each state varies with how this happens. The state in which the child is born are the state laws that we must abide by. So it doesn't really help us to look up the laws since our child could come from any one of the 50 states!

-Can the birthmom/parents change their mind?-

A few states allow a set period after birth parents relinquish their parental rights and consent to adoption, to change their minds. We will be informed if we are in a risk situation such as this far in advance. But I think that it would be really difficult for everyone... it's hard to say what I'm feeling... I think that we wouldn't really want to proceed with a birthmom unless she was sure, you know? I would want her to no have serious regrets and feel good enough about us and the situation that she wouldn't feel the need to draw upon those laws. And although my heart would break should that happen, if it was best for the child, we already know what we would do. We're not out here to create more heartache.

-What is ICPC?-

The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children is an agreement between all states in regards to adoption and foster care. So if our child was born in a state other than Iowa, we would need to work with the state's ICPC office. There is a lot more paperwork which will be put together as quickly as possible after the baby is born and will go to the state where the baby is born- called the sending state. Once that office reviews and approves the packet, it sends it to the receiving state- where we live in this case Iowa. This is important because it's not until both states have reviewed and approved our packet can we travel home with the child. Until we are approved, at least one of us must remain in the sending state with the adoptive child. The amount of time this process takes varies from state to state and adoption to adoption. It can take as short as one week or as long as two months. Some people who live in CA just adopted a girl (ok yeah I blog stalk them they're so cool! lol) from TX and they had to stay for about a month.

-What if you're about to adopt and someone else really wants you? Or what happens if you get pregnant and you've already been chosen by a birthmom?-

Basically anything is possible. It is possible that we could adopt two although unless it is twins that is highly unlikely. An example senerio would be: we have been chosen and are about to adopt when someone close to us becomes pregnant and would like us to adopt their child. In that case, we would need to speak to the first birthmom to get her consent to parent two infants. She would have the option to go with another family. Or with her consent, we could adopt both. If I become pregnant after we have been selected, the process is similar. We would contact the birthmom and see what she thinks. She would have the choice to continue with us or go with another family. We would have the option on our end of withdrawing.

-Ok so let's say now you're a family of three... what's next?-

This is called the post-placement phase. During this time LDS family services will actually retain legal responsibility of the child until the adoption is finalized. Supervisory visits made by LDSFS are required by law during this time. For most states, this is about 6 months long. The visits will occur every other month or as often as needed. The reports that are generated from these visits will become part of our court adoptive record. These visits end when the adoption is finalized. 

-Will an attorney be involved?-

Yes, we will be hiring an attorney to help us at the end of the supervisory phase. We are responsible for finding one and for the cost. They will be helping us draft a "petition to adopt" which will be submitted as quickly as possible after placement. 

-So.... Will you go to court?-

Yes, this is where our attorney will help us. Once the adoption is finalized in court, the judge will sign the "final decree or adoption" or "final order of adoption" and the adoption is official and irrevocable. It is possible that we may not need to go to court and in that case the decree will be mailed to us. This is especially important to us for, well, obvious reasons but also because once this takes place, 

we can be sealed together as a family in the temple. 

We will be letting all our families and friends know about this special time, it will be a day much waited for!!!

After we obtain the decree, we may need to go back to court in order to formally finalize the adoption. During our court hearing, our case worker, Brad, and I will be sworn in to give testimony. Our attorney will help us during this phase as well. The judge will ask us questions regarding our intent to raise and care for the child. They tell us that with most judges, this is a positive experience and one to look forward to! We will bring our little one with us and may take pictures. We may or may not be able to have family present during this court hearing, we will let you know!

-What about the birth certificate?-

After the final court appearance we will apply for an "amended birth certificate" which will have our names as the parents and at this point we can make any needed name changes. The original birth certificate will be sealed as part of the adoption record. Once we get the birth certificate we can apply for a social security number under the new name.

-Adoption #2-

When our child has been in our home for at least one year, we can begin the adoption process all over again. Right now that feels extremely daunting, especially after typing all this up but I know we will want to build our family and we will want more than one child. It is my understanding though that you can only adopt two children from LDSFS so at that point if we wanted more, we would need to go through another agency.

We really hope this helps all of you as much as it helped us. Having the facts, a timeline, and knowing the policies is something that is comforting to me when there is so much uncertainty and emotions. Thanks for going through this with us!