33 Months!

Amelia,

I have been calling you by your full name more often these days. You are growing into it, I think. Lately I have been feeling down about missing some of your monthly letters. I keep notes in my phone so when something happens or you say something, I won't forget. I have so many backed up :) December was busy getting ready for our big trip and then it snowed seemingly every day in January. At first, it was enjoyable but it quickly turned into a hazard as driving was difficult, walking was slick, and everything seemed dark all the time. The problem was, it is dark by the time we come home so it was kind of a tease for you not getting to play in it too much all of January. Luckily I brought all your snow gear to school and you were able to go outside and enjoy it there. You still love the snow and want to eat it all. I can't wait to take you to Maui and give you a true snow cone, it will be a match made in heaven!

In the future if you ever ask me, Mom, did we sing a lot growing up? I will tell you: we.sung.constantly. You remember music like it is such a part of you. Yesterday you came home from school singing some song about a whale I've never heard before then at dinner you switched to a catchy tune about a cat. Sometimes I have to try and look the lyrics you are saying up online so I can sing along! I don't think I could list all the songs you know by heart...I'm sure it's over 30, though. We sing each morning when we are driving- I bought this silly song CD for toddlers. It kind of drives Daddy nuts but I have gotten used to it (it did take some time lol) and come to enjoy singing it with you. If I am humming something you will listen and try to mimic me...that is one of my favorite things you do. Or I'll peek in on you playing with your babies and you'll be humming or singing to them. You aren't feeling well today so we are home together and when we were walking towards your room to lay down for nap you so very sweetly asked me if I could sing to you and rock you. It makes my heart feel amazing to know that you love our special time together as much as I do; that it is important to you. Lately I have been rocking you in our rocker and then I lay you down...and I typically leave right away...but you have been reaching out for me and say, hold me! And that's how a habit gets formed of me laying down with you each night as you fall asleep. I was laying there last night thinking about it, wondering how many years I have left that you will ask me to lay with you and hold you as you drift off. I don't think a million would be enough for this Mama's heart. I could never say no to your sweet call to me and it's tender for me that you feel peace and safety when I am close.

The fact that you are maturing in your emotional strength and expansion of thought is showing through more and more lately. You ask insightful questions and, after listening to my answer, think it over and typically ask another. Every time we have one of these discussions I feel grateful we never went through the repetitive "why" phase. Maybe it's coming, but so far you don't do that. A week ago we were driving into school/work in the morning and saw the moon. It was incredibly large and bright and we couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was. Then you asked me if the moon was sad. I laughed, but when I looked back at you, you were pretty serious so I said, no, I don't think so. It's hard to tell because it's far away, though. You wanted to know why it was small, if it was with it's Mommy, why it was exceptionally bright. It has been a difficult concept... the idea of things that are far away being big, but looking small. Airplanes are an example of that and we talk about them quite often. Your concern for the moon and it's feelings was pretty cute, though.

At home, pretend is your favorite. Sometimes you will play alone with your babies in your room diapering, feeding, rocking, nurturing, and putting them to sleep. We have the cradle that your great-grandpa and great-grandma made for Daddy in your room and you enjoy using it for your babies. You also play with your kitchen...but actually your favorite part has been all the food/dishes that it has with it. You want to "go on a picnic" most every evening with me. If we are running late to bed and there isn't time that night to have one, you will really express your unhappiness. We also pretend we are going to the beach. We see all kinds of things there like your favorite, the seals, and always splash and put our toes in the sand. Sometimes you say the walrus is going to get us but luckily, that's rare and we always get away safely! I had to laugh a few days ago when a headline popped up on the internet with an article for parents that read something like "What to do when Pretend Play with your Toddler is Boring". I don't know what other kids' pretend play is like, but we are never bored. We like this spy type game where we flatten up against the wall, peek around corners, do rolling moves to get from one place to another, and just generally try to be sneaky. Most days you get hiccups from laughing so hard, I love it I love it I love it.

About a month ago I came to pick you up from school and you immediately asked me, Where we going, Mom?, like you always do. When I said home, however, suddenly you flung yourself on the ground screaming and saying something. You were so upset I couldn't even understand you. I was pretty taken aback, as you can imagine! When we got you calmed down you eventually came around to telling me that some little boy was going to swim lessons after school and his mommy had just come to take him. You expressed how desperately you wanted to go, too. Later that night I looked into it and was able to sign us up for a Mommy/kiddo swim class we can do together at the YMCA. It's twice a week for the month of February in the evening for thirty minutes. We have now been to three classes and we both throughly enjoy it! The build up to the event is just as fun as going and I love seeing you that happy and excited. You remember your teachers name- Debbie- and you like picking out which swimsuit you will wear that day. We've had big talks about how if you want to swim you need to listen and if you can't be a good listener, you can't do swim. You absolutely understand what I said and for that hour have pretty much been an angel haha. Last time we went I was bursting with pride for you as you jumped off the edge and I caught you. You did it twice and let me tell you, it takes courage. None of the other kids could do it and the teacher came by and was impressed at your ability and trust in me. There are more advanced classes we can move into if this one goes well for you, or we can repeat this same class. The next classes I won't be in the water with you and I'm not sure we are ready for that so we'll see.

Although going to church is still difficult the first hour during sacrament, you have made huge strides when it comes to working on spirituality. You always want to say the prayer now at meals and often will say it by yourself. Dad and I are always surprised at what you come up with to pray about :) It's a great way to see what is on your mind and we enjoy that for sure. You also look forward to nursery and when we missed last weekend because you were sick, it was hard for me to see you so disappointed. Hopefully we can go this coming weekend. We still read our scriptures together every night. You get them down for me, unzip the case, and "help" me with my papers that are in there and the book-marker. We are still in Alma and at 2 verses a night will be there for awhile!

Physically, I am pretty sure you are in a growth spurt. Typical signs for you are you eat more but sleep less. I don't know why, maybe you have growing pains at night. I try to rub your legs in case that is what's happening but it doesn't seem to help. You are wearing 3T-4T clothes and are two sizes above your peers wearing size 9 shoes. Your golden curls are perfection. I'm serious, they are absolutely stunning and to this day I have yet to go somewhere with you and not have at least one person stop to comment on your hair. I think you get sick of Daddy and I always playing with it but it is simply irresistible! You have 3 of your 4 molars in...I don't know what's going on with that stubborn last one. I keep hoping it's this week but I've been saying that for about 6 months!

Darling, it makes my chest hurt and my eyes well up to even think of trying to imagine our lives without you. You are SO much fun! Our time together is precious to me and when Daddy is with us all seems right with our world. When we are together you often want us close and will wrap your arms around our necks and pull us all in close. Or if I'm in the bedroom folding laundry and Dad is in the living room straightening up, you'll try to get one of us to join the other so we are all in the same room. It's quite endearing :) Daddy has been working a lot lately. It's been a tough stretch but March will be a little better then May and June should be good months as well. The things we do to try and see each other would probably make people think we are crazy but we do our best. Daddy loves you and longs to see you. There are times he has only slept a few hours just so he could have that time with you. Or, we have driven to the hospital to see him even knowing our visit will only be five minutes long. I am grateful these three years of residency are over half way done and that you are young. Hopefully you will only remember the good.

I love you, Amelia. I love being here for you every day and teaching you and nurturing you. You're the brightest light in our lives; to me, you are brighter than the sun itself.

Love,

Mommy