Hello, 17 Months

Mia
I feel an urgency to write this letter to you that I haven't felt in months past. My eyes well up and my chest feels tight as I think about how quickly you are growing and changing lately. Your pants are suddenly shorter, your jammies tighter, and your hair longer. After only showing you a few times, you are signing 'water' on a regular basis. I can tell you are working on forming sentences such as this morning, "Bye, Da-Da" or when you put signs together like "eat" then "more". Information is no longer overwhelming to you it seems; it is a game and you are winning. You want more more more and it excites you. It seems like most of our conversations you are asking me questions with your tone, sounds, inquisitive eyes and vast array of expressions. What's this? Where did it go? Why is it this way? Where's Dad? Are we going to play? What are you doing? I can feel these questions from you and try to explain as best I can. Sometimes you are satisfied, nodding and smiling and walking away. Other times you think a moment and then make a series of sounds, asking, in your own way, a follow up question. I never could have imagined that watching you grow would be this fascinating. It brings me joy, seeing you, little one.
Lately you are my girl. That's for sure. You want to be with Mommy day and night. Daddy is still awesome, but we both agree you're in a Mommy-only phase. This past month has been a challenging time for Daddy at work but this upcoming month will be much better. I'm sure the tides will change as we are all able to spend more time together as a family.
This last week you have experienced guilt for the first time. It has not been as easy emotion for you to feel. You were whipping your pink lovey around (a small piece of fabric with ribbons on the sides, like tabs) and it started to hit me. I was sitting on the ground and as you got closer it wasn't your lovey hitting me anymore, it was your hand. That was about a week ago, maybe ten days now. Since then you have been hitting me (only me, it seems) randomly. I am not sure if it is out of frustration or not because sometimes you do it when we are reading books or I am feeding you dinner. I am as soft and gentle as is possible as I say, Mia, sweetheart, we do not hit. That is not nice and it hurts. You think a moment and then wail. Absolutely lose your mind with sadness and tears and inner turmoil. Nothing seems to comfort you until I take you in my arms and hold you, stroking your hair and telling you it's okay and how much I love you. It takes a long time for you to calm down from this trauma. I am not completely sure what to do. I am reading up on parenting books meanwhile praying this phases passes, and soon. I guess it is a blessing you only save this special behavior for me and don't share it with the other kids. I'm sure this is a common phase for toddlers, especially as we are rapidly approaching "two's" :)
Other than that you are a total sugar cube. I made you a book online recently, showing pictures of our families so you could recognize people and get to know everyone's names. It's your favorite thing to do after we read scriptures. You also get excited when I take the book down, "On the Night You were Born". Maybe because I keep those three books separate that you know they are different, important, special. You pick up on things like that quickly and it makes me so proud of the smart, sensitive little girl you are becoming.
It seems like every day something new is happening. You still sleep with a sound machine, and we only have one. So each morning I unplug it, pack it in your day care bag for nap time, then unpack it in the evening and it's time for bed. When we got home yesterday you were playing in your room. You had been quiet a few minutes so I came to check on you. You had plugged in your sound machine and were up on your Grandma Luck rocking chair reading yourself a book. I think I need to go buy some more plug covers!!! Clever girl.
I still can't believe the enthusiasm you exude when eating vegetables. It's just plain awesome. Yesterday I made chicken noodle soup but left out the chicken and instead added more veggies to yours. You gobbled it up, even chocking at one point because of your excitement.
Sweetpea, I love you so very much. I cherish our time together. I want you to know that I have a testimony of Christ and that I know our Heavenly Father has a plan for you. He brought us together and He loves you and He loves me.
oxoxoxox
Mommy