Mia,
When I gave you a bottle and rocked you before bed last night, I didn't know it would be the last one I will ever give you. Tonight I just decided, we are done. You are such a big girl now and we already gave up your nap bottle a week ago and you didn't even have a care in the world about it. No fussing or crying or protest in any way. Then tonight during the bedtime routine I just gave you a little glass of milk, we did scriptures and prayer, I rocked you for a couple of minutes, humming, and laid you down. I'd be lying if I didn't admit tears streaked my cheeks as I realized I had made up my mind. I know it's been something I have been internally struggling with for awhile as you are at the age where some kids still drink from bottles, but I think most do not.
It might seem like such a small thing but my heart is just bursting with pride for you and breaking watching you grow up faster than I can handle. Lately there have been huge changes in your world. You started at a new daycare center on Thursday. A regular type of daycare where you are in a classroom/playroom with lots of other kids. You were so brave. You had a fabulous first day- you got seconds on your tater-tot casserole and you played along well with all the other kids. For the first time in your life you laid down on a mat in the middle of a huge room and took a nap. That alone was astounding me and a major milestone for you. At your in-home daycare with Jennifer you have your own room and your own bed I brought for you to go there. Then on Friday(your second day there) you took a long nap- almost two hours- on your mat and then in the afternoon another child bit your arm. The caregivers told me how you cried a little then shook it off to go play. It's actually kind of a bad bite but you are tough stuff and didn't let it ruin your day. I love that about you. They called me at work and I think I might have cried more over it than you. You are bruised but will heal. Hopefully you don't pick up any bad habits over it. The day I dropped you off for the first time you looked all grown up. You had your boots from Papa on and big girl jeans (not the stretch pant kind) and your new black sweater with the hearts on it I got you special for your first day. My heart was so full...oh, Amelia. Mommy loves you so very very much. You're just changing at a pace I didn't anticipate. When Daddy and I were engaged, he spoke at a ward in Ashland, Oregon one Sunday. I remember where I sat and can still see his expressions as he spoke as if it were yesterday. One of the things he said is that when you exercise your muscles, they tear. Then they heal and when they come together, it makes the muscle stronger. So the more you exercise, and tear the muscles, which doesn't seem all that fun but is a necessary part of the process, it actually ends up making them better. I always pictured a bicep or a calf muscle or something in the past but now maybe I think he was talking about a Mommy's heart. My heart just gets bigger and stronger and more full of love for you. Little tears along the way only make it grow even more. No wonder it physically hurts sometimes. oxoxox.
Yesterday morning you asked me for some water but when I gave it to you, you threw a huge fit and were trying SO hard to talk but couldn't get the words out. You were frustrated beyond belief. I kept asking what do you want? What's wrong? When suddenly I realized- at the new daycare you drink from a cup without a lid or sippy part. You wanted the lid off of the cup I had given you. I said, do you want the lid off? And you immediately stopped with the tantrum and stood still, staring right at me, seemingly willing me to know your thoughts. I said, say yes mommy, I would like the lid off. (I know you can't say that but I'm trying to teach you the correct way of asking. You haven't been able to form the word "yes" yet, either.) So you're looking up at me and I can see you thinking so hard and then softly, but with strength, you say, "please?". It was the sweetest, smartest thing. I LOVE that you were able to reason through how to say what you wanted with the vocabulary you have. It was also pretty remarkable since you've been saying please for less than one week now.
Mia, I just laid you down for the night and tucked you in. I wanted to put these thoughts into words for you as best as I could so you will always know my heart. Watching you grow up has been heaven on earth for me. Seeing your face light up when you look at me or when we are out at the store and you want to tell everyone I'm your Mommy or when you copy me by putting on my shoes and carrying my lunch sack around just makes my burdens light and my life filled with joy. I am doing my best to teach you all the things your Heavenly Father wants me to and to have patience while I'm at it. Thank you for being my little sweetheart girl.
Oxoxoxox
Mommy
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