20 Months

Mia,

Hello sweet angel. I can promise you I had no idea my heart could ever grow this much or be this full. This past month or so I felt a shift in you, in our relationship, maybe just in life, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly. Then it hit me. I feel as though up to this point I have been caring for you and attending to your needs and teaching you and oh my goodness trying to keep you safe as you desire to jump off high places and all the while loving you. And I'm still doing all those things but I've felt lately we are actually getting to know each other. We are playing more and we know what makes the other person laugh. You are sweet suddenly as you share your food with me or you want to put lotion on my face as I lovingly put it on yours. You worry about me if I get hurt and you pat my back or give me a hug or a kiss if you think I need love and reassurance. Forming this relationship with you, our spirits connecting, has been this burst of wonderful in my life. I can't describe it any other way. When darkness seems to be all around us and things in life are just hard, you are this ray of sunshine, and I think it's the friend side of being a parent that I'm starting to see and absolutely fall in love with.

Now, you are still absolutely a toddler, don't get me wrong, haha. You get into the office drawer and color on, well, everything. I accidentally left the bathroom door open for less than 3 minutes when I come in to find you "cleaning" the toilet with my toothbrush. You've figured out how to push the dining chair up to the kitchen counter and get all the goodies up there- scissors, various foods, utensils, etc. I am working on getting everything as high as possible (on top of the fridge, perhaps?) as well as never ever ever ever taking my eyes off you for two seconds.

A week ago I walk into the kitchen and realize you've drawn on my tablecloth (of course, only on the white parts, not on the black fabric) with permanent green marker. You also included a few lines on your face and right hand. I had read somewhere that I should be talking to you "at your level" and looking you "in the eyes" to help you understand when something isn't okay. So I crouch down and I take each of your hands in mine and I say, "Mia, we do not--" then you kiss me right on the tip of my nose, smile sweetly, and say, "Mama". I am barely holding back a huge grin and laughter! It just wasn't fair! I'm supposed to be stern, or something, and teach you that's not ok! So, I start again. "Mia, we do not--" again you kiss me right on the tip of my nose, smile sweetly, and say, "Mama"! I give up completely as you keep kissing my nose and are clearly not listening and are intent on being the cutest ever to get out of this talk. Hahahaha ohhhhhh darling girl. So clever, and yet soooo sweet!

You actually had your check up and shots yesterday. I didn't get the percentiles but you weigh 24 pounds and are 34 inches tall. You are super healthy and I always feel blessed that you are such a good eater. Yesterday morning I was putting some hummus into a container to take to work with my lunch and you licked the spoon clean, asked for more, and ate that as well. Such a good girl! Right now your favorite foods are chicken noodle soup (but you don't eat the chicken), peas, anything that comes out of one of those fruit/veggie pouches, goldfish crackers, couscous, cutie oranges, bananas, and ham. Oh and raisins, I can't forget those, they get us through sacrament at church most Sundays!

I love that you learn best by example. I hadn't ever told you to use your manners such as please and thank you when I first heard you thank me for getting you something. I totally did a double take as I handed you your water and you said "dee-too", or, "thank you"! When we were at the doctor's office you wanted something and I decided to test it out by saying, ok, say please first. And you did! It was the cutest little please I've ever heard. I think it's fun to watch you figure all this out on your own. How you seem to know when it's appropriate to say "thank you", I have no idea, but you've been using it correctly for a couple of weeks now. Maybe that's how teaching you will go- more of learning by example rather than forced repetition.

Christmas sure was an experience as you are old enough this year to unwrap, play, anticipate, and enjoy all that is going on. In October we had acquired a little red and yellow car for you to play in- the kind that you push with your feet. Dad and I cleaned it up and got it all nice so you could actually play with it inside the house since it's too cold outside right now. Anyway, that was your big gift and we had it out under the tree all ready for you. I had completely prepared myself that next year would be the year we would get a huge reaction from you and you'd really display your excitement but no, I was wrong! I couldn't believe your smile...it was worth all the pennies in the whole world combined to see you so happy. You were thrilled. As soon as you saw your presents and the car you just could hardly contain yourself. As your parent, it made my heart almost burst to see you like that. It is a sweet memory for me I will cherish forever. Your birthfamily sent thoughtful gifts of books, a purse with treasures for you to carry around, musical instruments, and more. They love you so much, Amelia, and think of you often, I am positive. Many of our Christmas gifts did not make it to us, sadly, but that's okay. We can't change what happened but we are grateful for our family and our blessings and the thoughtful gifts that did arrive. Your aunts sent you fun gifts of giant lego-like blocks and a doctor's kit (that did actually help us prep for our appointment yesterday, thanks Auntie Kat!) which have been way fun. Although December was filled with much turmoil we were blessed to have a few of these sweet moments of happiness to reflect on.

You are getting more independent each day. Two days ago you threw a tantrum because I tried putting on your pants. Like I do every.single.day. Suddenly I was supposed to know that you wanted to do it all by yourself. Goodness. Once I realized what you wanted, I had no problem letting you try, but the in-between time where I'm trying to figure it out can be a little rough. You also are refusing to use your tray that goes on your high chair. You want it off and you want to be pushed up to the table like a big girl. So we've had a few issues with you getting down before you're through eating and running away and things like that but for the most part you are pretty good. I had to laugh because we had the sister missionaries over for dinner a few nights ago. We were going to say prayer over the food so I asked you to fold your arms. You did, and so I bowed my head and closed my eyes to try to be a good example to you. When the prayer ended, I look up to realize while we had been praying, you had helped yourself to dinner and were happily munching away haha. You're a girl who knows what she wants!

Something funny you did a couple of weeks ago. We were in the kitchen when suddenly you come over to me while I was sitting at the table and attempted to lift up my shirt. Uhhh, no. We do not expose Mommy's tummy haha. I pull my shirt down, confused, and thinking uh, no, better nip this in the bud! But you have this confident, silly little smile on your face as you try again to lift up my shirt. I tell you, softly, that it's not okay to move people's clothes but you insist and start making a funny noise. Suddenly it clicks. I get it. I know what you want and are trying to do. You are trying to lift up my shirt to blow raspberries on my tummy like I do to you! Haha oh sweet girl! It was adorable the way your face just totally lit up when you discovered I knew what you wanted and I played along. You giggled and just could barely contain yourself you were so happy to play this little game. Made my day!

Lately, it's been a lot of just you and me. It's hard sometimes with Daddy gone a lot and working on things. You are such a strong little person and you have helped me stay grounded and live with purpose. I think I will always have gratitude in my heart for you for that. I love you more than I could ever describe so I will just say I love you completely. I'm ecstatic we get to be on this life journey together.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Love
Mommy